I think it's funny that we're constantly looking for a pill to cure things that simple, free, side-effectless regular exercise can usually treat more effectively than any pharmaceuticals we've produced. Obviously this does not apply to all medications, but in the realm of medications for many mental health, cardiovascular, diabetes, attention deficit and similar conditions we're quick to go to the pharmacy, but is that the best way to treat all of these conditions?
(Skip to 4:50 http://en.seekcartoon.com/watch/26619-the-simpsons-season-11-episode-2-brothers-little-helper.html#.VDaottTF-qI)
Anxiety is a really, really uncomfortable thing. It just doesn't make you feel good. When it's got a particularly strong hold of me, everything feels frightening and depressing. I know cognitively that the uncomfortable feeling will pass, but it's still really difficult to deal with in the moment. It feels like no decision I make is "right" or "good enough" or "what I want." I can neither identify what it is I want to do or where it is I want to be or even the company, if any, I want to be in. I quite literally don't know what to do with myself. I feel trapped--I both want to run and stay perfectly still; my heart wants to be with my friends but my fear screams that I need to isolate and protect myself from whatever it is that's causing me anxiety; guess that's that fight-or-flight instinct. Self-soothing feels nearly impossible and sometimes, despite my best efforts, I'm unable to self-soothe at all and I dissociate from reality for relief from the discomfort, until the anxiety can come down enough on its own for me to manage again. Usually the dissociation is in smaller bursts and manageable. Friends often notice that I "space out" and I come across as an air head sometimes because of that, but the dissociation prevents me from being able to focus and allow new information into my brain. Sometimes I hear what's being said, but can't put the words together in a comprehensible way, or more often, it just takes me a while to sort them in my brain and I have quite delayed reactions. Kinda like my brain hasn't buffered yet. Usually, at least in social situations, it's actually kind of funny, but every once in a while it's more intense and I feel numb and empty.
After therapy last night, I found myself pretty dissociated. It sort of came over me slowly, then enveloped me. My mind was reeling from a very productive, but very painful therapy session. Different memories of my childhood with my mother kept flashing into my consciousness and I was remembering just how dysfunctional and inappropriate many of my experiences and early relationship with my mother was. I was feeling overwhelmed at the options I had in front of me to start taking steps with my dad and my brother (hopefully) to try to get a handle on this stuff, because none of us are dealing with this in a healthy way. And then all of a sudden it became too much and I found myself staring off into space. My partner came over last night and I just felt like I was in a dream or under water and emotionally numb. It felt like he was so far away and he felt almost like a stranger. We still had a nice evening, although it was a little quieter than usual. I let him know I was feeling out of it and we just sat and watched TV and I was grateful that he played some of the music he's been working on so we could talk about something light and safe and structured. I really appreciate his ability and willingness to just allow this stuff into our space when it happens without judgement, and with utter patience. And I appreciate his desire to be present with me when I am not, yet still secure in allowing me to be alone if that is what I need. He never holds it against me, which I know should be the norm, but to me it's a relief to have someone in my life that can allow me to just be when I need to, and not demand things of me when I'm incapable of providing anything.
Activity can really help me with anxiety. Sometimes going for a lunch run break is the only thing that can regulate me enough to be able to be productive at work. We've evolved these physiological reactions to stress for good reason, only the stressors we face now are not the stressors our ancestors faced. The things that cause us anxiety and stress today aren't momentary threats to our lives where we can fend off or run away from a predator. They're chronic. And that's a lot of hormones to have running through your system on a consistent basis, without having the outlets to channel these hormones into a way that puts them to use and re-regulates them. The things that make me anxious today--memories of abuse; fear of men I do not know; the stress of caring for a very ill mom--none of those things can be solved by running away from them. Yet my hormones are screaming at me to run or fight. So, what can help me the most when I'm having a triggered episode or am utterly anxious or feel uncontrollably angry is a good workout. I have anxiety prescriptions; I have different cognitive and behavioral skills I can turn to to help manage the anxiety, but none of those (especially the pills) really do the trick. They take the edge off, but also make me exhausted and make it difficult to stay awake. A good physical outlet, however, helps a lot, especially when combined with the other tools I've been given.
We all know the many benefits of exercise in relation to overall health, fitness and weight management, but exercise is proving more and more to be the "magic pill" we're constantly trying to create to cure lots of conditions or alleviate unpleasant symptoms. Physical activity has humongous emotional and psychological benefits. Regular activity boosts the "feel-good" and "rewarding" neurochemicals in your brain. It gives you more physical energy. It calms you, leads to better sleep, prevents cognitive decline, allows psychiatric medications to actually work better as it oxygenates your brain. It makes you feel better about yourself; it makes you stronger so it's easier to live day-to-day and it can be SUPER fun. We talk a lot to our members at Weight Watchers about the importance of exercise. We find it common for our members to dread exercise and I definitely do get that. When I was at my heaviest I wasn't particularly excited about hitting the gym and being reminded of how hard it felt to move my body. It made me feel fat and ashamed and embarrassed of myself and my extreme un-fitness. But with time, I started to not really care anymore what others may or may not have thought about my fitness level and weight. WIth time, the workouts got easier. And with time, they got fun. And with more time, they became addictive. And after being particularly hit hard with PTSD, they became essential to my survival. I may have started exercising because I wanted to give my weight loss a jump start, but I've stayed with it because it makes such a dramatic difference in my confidence and mental health. I realized that I enjoyed the way it felt to take deep breaths during cardio, especially in comparison to the difficulty I have breathing when I'm very anxious. I love the way my muscles feel, warm and strong, as I'm using them to propel me. I love how it feels to run in the cold and be my own furnace to keep me warm in the winter. It makes me feel more empowered. And I think if we stopped focusing so much on exercise because "we should" or because "we have to" or because "it's the only way I'll lose weight/get to the size I want/look the way I want" and start focusing more on how wonderful exercise feels and how it impacts us on every level, emotionally, psychologically, physically, and engaged more in activities that are fun for us instead of some workout we dread, we'd all be more excited to move. It's actually a pretty fun, and unbelievably helpful thing to do.
I guess this post is more about viewing exercise in a different way. It's not just something that's good for you, it's something that significantly improves your quality of life in nearly every respect. It's our body's natural drug and if you can just find one thing that you love to do that also moves your body, you'll be hooked within 3 months. And you'll notice when you miss a workout and actually feel your body crave it. So try something you like, stick it out for a few months, then see how you feel. Try different things, but make sure you have fun in the process.
Happy moving <3
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